


River

by belcourt



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fix-It, Gen, Other, References to Depression, i decided to fix thor's storyline so here it is, i want to fight the russos and the writers, i was really mad at the way they treated my son's depression and weight so, my goal was to not disappoint mr waititi, steve's tony's and natasha's arches also change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-03-13 20:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18948139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belcourt/pseuds/belcourt
Summary: Thor never thought they would get another chance to fix the outcome of Thanos's Snap, but they do.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!!!!!!!!! i decided to write this because i was mad tm at the way the movie handled thor. i changed thor's arch, steve's, natasha's and tony's. so one could say i changed almost everything. yeah, well. also, this is my first fanfiction in english so be kind (my first language is brazilian portuguese).  
> ps. i removed thor's alcoholism because because 1) i don't have enough knowledge on the topic to do it justice and 2) no one seems to agree about whether or not he can actually get drunk on midgardian alcohol.  
> that's all i have to say i guess. enjoy!

 

_“A man takes his sadness down to the river and throws it in the river_

_but then he’s still left with the river. A man takes his sadness and throws it away_

_but then he’s still left with his hands.” — Richard Siken, Crush._

 

 

 

Thor Odinson used to be the heir to the golden throne of a golden planet, but the planet burned to the ground and the throne with it. He persevered, because he had his people, and that was enough. Thor Odinson used to have a family, but he lost that too – most of the people he saved from the ruins of the planet first, then Heimdall and his brother, and he was all alone. He never felt rage like that before, all-consuming, blinding, hot, scary – and he thought he could channel it, use it to fix it, to make it okay. He failed. Thor Odinson used to be mighty, he used to hold lightning in his hands and let his heartbeats become thunder. That wasn’t enough. And now he was terrified of the smell of a storm, of the feeling it stirred in his belly.

When Thanos’s head hit the ground, he hoped the hole inside his chest would close just a little. But it felt empty, killing him. It wasn’t enough and he could feel his heart ache with the knowledge it was never going to be enough. It wasn’t going to bring his people or Loki or Heimdall back. That was it. The Infinity Stones were gone, and there wasn’t a happy ending, because they – he – lost. He felt like maybe it wasn’t just Thanos who had died that day – maybe part of him had died too.

But he didn’t have time to mourn. Some Asgardians had survived, and he felt responsible for finding them a home. That was how New Asgard came to be, nestled below Norwegian cliffs. When they arrived, there only a few abandoned buildings, collecting dust and falling apart. However, with time, it became a fishing town with colorful little houses and quaint taverns, built on its people’s sweat and tears and blood.

When Valkyrie and Korg moved in, he felt a little better, but that didn’t last long. They were all looking for a way to cope with what had happened. For Valkyrie, it was working at the harbor for days on end, since she didn’t have her booze anymore and human alcohol had no effect on her body. For Korg, it was playing Fortnite, eating chips and almost never sleeping because of his nightmares.

Thor had tried both of their methods. He had devoted his time to his people, working at the harbor and at the taverns; he had tried videogames and disgusting cheese Cheetos. It just didn’t work for him. Valkyrie’s method didn’t exhaust his body enough so his brain would shut down, Korg’s method didn’t drown his thoughts out. And all of those little failures ended up making him feel worse.

Some days he couldn’t get out of bed, sadness and emptiness somehow clogging his arteries and making it hard to move. Some days all he could do was lie on the floor and cry silently, feeling like at any point the floor would give in, and swallow him whole. Some days he would find Loki’s ghost staring at him from a corner in the room, bloody mouth, hair disheveled. Some days he would just forget how to breathe on his way to the kitchen and trip over his feet. Some days he would wake up early and clean his house spotless, scrubbing vigorously until his hands hurt. He felt erratic, weak, and hopeless.

Valkyrie and Korg were worried about him, he could tell. They would cook him dinner most nights, then make him play cards and let him win. Korg would talk about something Noobmaster69 had said on Fortnite in an attempt to make him laugh, Valkyrie would update him on the babies being born around town. Sometimes, when he hadn’t showered in days, they would even braid his hair to try to make him feel better. He felt selfish most of the time he was around them, because they were suffering too and there he was, getting all the pampering and not even knowing how to ask them about their day.

Some nights, when the stars were already high up in the sky, he would climb to the roof of his house and sit there. He would apologize to Loki and Heimdall and to everyone he had caused pain. He knew that asking forgiveness from the dead was useless, but he couldn’t stop doing it. The guilt, the shame, they were all chewing at his guts, slowly.  

Valkyrie had found him there once and sat down by his side.

“Do you think it’ll ever hurt less?” He had asked her with teary eyes, his voice weak and broken.

“Pain changes with time, Thor. I don’t think it ever goes way, but it definitely becomes more manageable”, she had murmured softly.

Then, he had started crying – sobbing loudly, his body  shaking with the intensity of his emotions. Valkyrie had held him close to her, whispering repeatedly “it will be okay”.

 

*

 

Thor was standing on a cliff and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks was the peaceful melody he was forcing his mind to focus on. There was electricity coursing furiously through his veins, heat spreading quickly across his limbs. He could feel his entire body buzzing, humming – the power imprisoned inside him begging to be let out. It was overwhelming, and he was trying to calm down so he could do it right.

The melody of the waves – _come and go and come and go_. He just had to relax. He had been summoning lightning and thunder for more than a thousand years. He could do it. He _needed_ to do it. The melody of the waves – _come and go and come and go_. He closed his eyes, opened his hands and raised them up.

Thor felt lighting pour out of him as thunder rattled the sky. Everything was incredibly loud and he could feel the chaos around him. It began to rain. Cold water washing his body, washing his tears and washing his mistakes away. Behind his eyelids, all he could see was white. His legs were almost giving out.

“I am Thor, The God of Thunder!” he screamed for no one in particular.

He opened his eyes, watching his whole body glow silver.

Thor remembered Odin’s quiet voice. He remembered his father standing on a cliff, much like the one he was standing on right now, dark clouds surrounding him. He remembered feeling lost, powerless, and tired. He remembered how broken he sounded. Thor remembered Odin saying he was strong.

_What were you the god of again? What were you the god of again? What were you the god of a-_

“I am Thor, The God of Thunder!”

Thor remembered Thanos’s low voice. He remembered Thanos’s hands around Loki’s throat. He remembered Thanos’s solemn look when he snapped his fingers. Content, satisfied. He remembered cutting Thanos’s head off, watching it fall to the ground. The emptiness. He remembered he was lost, powerless, and tired. Thor remembered Thanos saying he should’ve gone for the head. Thor remembered Thanos saying he had destroyed the stones.

His knees hit the ground. His body stopped glowing.

The rain remained.

He sobbed.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.”

 


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fam, i have no excuses for why it took me so long to update except that i'm stupid. i started writing this fic one week before i had to start studying for my finals and for some reason i thought i would have enough time to do everything. well. i'm stupid, like i said.  
> but here i am!!!!!!!! and i'm tying my clown shoes and getting my wig ready to watch endgame again!!!!!!!  
> kidding. not really.  
> hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

To say being back at the Avengers compound was weird would be a euphemism. Time seemed to have passed differently there – every other place in New York was dark, cold, and humid, but everything there was shiny, silvery, and brand new. It was as if they had never left. If Thor closed his eyes, he was sure he would still be able hear them laughing together at the dinner table. It was unnerving, seeing the past intact like that – no weeds, no crack on the walls, no nothing. It was like seeing a part of his life that had remained untouched.

He wanted to sit there for a few seconds and remember, and mourn. It felt like so long ago. He could still see them: Steve walking around in sweatpants, Nat trying to bake a cake, Tony drinking coffee and murmuring something about numbers to himself, Clint facetiming his wife and kids, Bruce napping on one of the couches with reading glasses and a book on his lap. All of their ghosts were still there. Ghosts of before things were so complicated, ghosts of when it was only the six of them against whatever force of evil decided to show up on Earth’s doorstep.

Steve was standing in the entrance hall with his arms crossed over his chest, lost in thought. He looked exactly the same, just as Thor imagined he would. His hair was combed neatly, impeccably, and his clothes were simple – just a grey t-shirt and some light wash jeans. But there was something about Steve Rogers, something that made him always seem composed – even when he was dirty and beaten up, or just lost.

Steve smiled warmly at him, before walking closer and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. All of his hugs were especially bone-crushing, he could never do anything with normal intensity. He said that they had missed him. Thor chuckled and told him that he had missed them as well. It was nice seeing Steve again, and it felt familiar.

“So, time-travel, huh?” Thor said as he let Steve go, arching one of his eyebrows.

“Yep. Tony figured it out.”

“How?”

“Scott Lang. You don’t know him, he’s Ant-man. I met him at the airport back when we were… _discussing_ the Accords.”

“What did Scott Lang do?”

“Well, it’s more like what _we_ did. When I heard about what Hank Pym had done to create his suit, I began to read all I could find about it. But I couldn’t reach Scott or Hank or their families. So, years go by and Scott’s ex-wife finally calls me, right? Something about a van and him being trapped in a place called the Quantum Realm. I go pick him up, he talks to Tony, Tony refuses to help at first… Now, here we are."

“We can change what happened.” Thor whispered and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, seems like we can, pal.”

“You’re incredibly stubborn, Rogers.”

Steve chuckled.

“I thought I was being delusional.”

“If you would have told me what you were up to, I would’ve thought so too. And then we both would’ve been wrong.”

Steve stayed silent for a few seconds before saying, quietly:

“I’m just so glad we’re all together now, and that this is a battle we can win.”

 

*

Natasha had made him hot chocolate. The two of them were bundled up together on the couch, writing down everything they could remember about the Infinity Stones. It was Bruce’s break, so he had gone downstairs to order Mexican food, leaving them with Nebula. Nat and Nebula were a strange duo, because they were practically the same person, in a way – all sharp edges, strategic intelligence, and snide remarks. They were interrogating him and testing scenarios out using Tony’s A.I.

He told them everything he knew about the Aether and how Thanos had solidified it into the Reality Stone. He told them what his father had told him once about the creation of the universe and about the Stones, how that raw power predated even existence. He told them about Jane, about the battle with Malekith, and about his mother’s death. Then, he told them what he had learned from the Guardians about the Collector.

Then it was Nebula’s turn. She told them all she knew about Vormir, the Soul Stone, Gamora, and Thanos.

“All I know is that he came back with the Stone, but not with my sister”, she finished.

 “So, what you’re saying is that she died there?” Nat asked, getting up and starting to pace around the room. She was frenetically tapping on her notepad with her pencil.

“I don’t know what happened, Natasha.” Nebula said, sighing. She was sitting at the edge of the dinner table, playing with a stress-ball Tony had given her. “But I suppose is safe to say that, yes, she died.”

“How did she die there? Did he kill her? Why not just kill her somewhere else?” Nat insisted, now chewing on her pencil.

“Nebula said she knew where Vormir was. After she led him there, she became useless.” Thor chimed in.

Nat shook her head.

“But he loved her. We’ve established that. He could’ve kept her a prisoner, taken her with him after he snapped his fingers. Why kill her there? What’s special about Vormir?”

“There’s where the Stone was.” Nebula rolled her eyes.

“Right…Thanos came back with the Stone, but he didn’t come back with Gamora.” Nat stopped pacing. “Oh my God.”

“What? What does that mean, Natasha?” Nebula asked.

“I think he killed her so he could get the Stone. A soul for the Soul Stone.”

“Why not kill literally anyone else, then? You just said he loved her.” Thor got up as well, even though he felt like he could collapse at any moment. His head was spinning.

“I think that’s why it had to be her.” She bit her lip. “It was a sacrifice.”  

 

*

They ate in silence.

 

*

Thor called home that night, after they all went to bed. Valkyrie was the one who answered, sounding sleepy.

“It’s me. I’m just calling to make sure things are alright.” He said quietly, leaning against his bedroom wall and staring at the ceiling. The lights were off, but the moonlight shone bright outside, bathing the furniture in white tones. “How are you doing?”

“Things are fine, don’t worry. We haven’t burned New Asgard down… yet.” She chuckled, then, when she noticed the other side of the line was silent, she stopped abruptly. “Thor. What’s wrong?”

“We may have discovered something today. Something bad.” He whispered, feeling his eyes sting with the need to cry. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What is it?” She pressed. Her voice was clear as crystal. No sleep adorning the edges anymore. “What is it that you may have discovered?”

“Thanos sacrificed Gamora to get the Soul Stone. Without her sacrifice, it doesn’t seem like he could’ve gotten it.”

She didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“So. One of you is going to die.”

“Maybe. Possibly.” He whispered, feeling the tears he had been holding back start to run down his cheeks. “I thought this was going to be easy.”

“Don’t go through with it.” She said so, so softly. He could almost see her face, her teary eyes, her pajamas, her holding the phone with shaky hands. “We almost lost you. Then, we got you back. Now, you’re saying there’s a chance we might actually lose you forever. Thor, I- I don’t want to be selfish, I don’t- You’re my family, do you understand that? You’re my family, you and Korg.”

“You know I have to. If this is the price, I must pay it.” He sniffled, using his t-shirt’s sleeve to wipe his face. “You’re my family too, Val. You and Korg. But I have to do this. This is how we fix it.”

“You can call me Brunnhilde.”

“You hate that name.”

“If it’s you calling me by it, I don’t mind it.”

He felt his heart sink in his chest. The pain became almost unbearable.

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I love you too. Please, don’t die.”

Thor closed his eyes and sighed.

“I’ll try not to.”

“Okay. _Good_.”

“I’ll call you again tomorrow, Brunnhilde.”

“Okay.”“

They stayed there listening to each other’s breathing for another five minutes until they finally hung up.

*

Even after speaking with Brunnhilde, he wasn’t able to fall asleep. He tossed and turned for at least an hour before deciding to get up and go get some water in the kitchen.

He found Nat leaning against the counter, drinking lemon tea.

Silently, Thor grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and sat at the edge of the table.

“It sucks to be us.” She let out a hollow laugh, the sound echoing and filling the space. “Sometimes I want a happy life more than I want to save the world. That makes me a bad superhero, doesn’t it?”

“It makes you human, Natasha.” He stared at her. She looked so fragile, with her red hair disheveled and her clothes wrinkled. Thor had never realized how small she was. And her eyes, by Odin, her eyes were so incredibly sad.

“I _fucking_ hate this, Thor. I hate that Thanos still has this amount of power over us.”

“Yeah, I do too.”

She took a sip of her tea.

“Clint lost it, Thor. You don’t know how… Shit, that destroyed me. He killed so many people. He did terrible things.” Her voice was shaky, she was holding onto the counter for dear life. “Hell, I have blood on my hands too. But this is something else. I don’t want to resent him, I really don’t. But we are supposed to be the good guys.”

Thor got up and hugged her tightly. The mug she was holding slipped out of her trembling hands and fell on the floor. She hugged him back, sobbing against his chest.

“We’ll figure it out, Nat. I promise you. It’s gonna hurt less. I promise you.” He whispered softly, kissing her hair.

“When will this end, Thor?” She choked out.

“I don’t know, Nat.” He said sadly, truthfully. “I don’t know.”

 

*

Carol arrived in the morning. She had asked around the galaxy about the Soul Stone, trying to find anything that could possibly help them.

“No one knows shit.” Was her verdict. She looked exhausted.

“Well. I guess it’s a good time to formally announce that we are fucked.” Tony was the first one to break the silence.

“We have to work with what we got.” Steve insisted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, and what’s that, Cap?” Tony rolled his eyes, chewing on the temple tip of his glasses. “That one of us has to die?”

“Yes, actually.” Steve replied.

“What a brilliant fucking idea, Steve.” Tony laughed humorlessly.

“Stop it.” Nat intervened. “For God’s sake, Steve explain whatever it is that you’re trying to say. Please.”

“It needs to be me.” Steve said.

“ _What_?” Nat voiced all of their thoughts.

“I’m not going to die. That’s why it needs to be me.”

“What do you mean ‘ _I’m not going to die’_?” Tony mocked his voice, sitting down at his swivel chair dramatically. “We’ve already established-”

“Tony. _Guys_. Think about it.” Steve sighed. “The soul is the essence of something, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. Tell me what the f-”, Tony stopped dead in his tracks. Looked at Steve. Everyone was looking at them. “You’re not going to sacrifice Steve’s essence. You’re going to sacrifice Cap’s.”

“What does that even mean?” Nat asked, sounding puzzled, unpleased, and extremely tired.

Thor stared at Steve. He looked so normal in his sweatpants and tank top, so human, so not-superhero. Thor could almost imagine him back in 2012, laughing, napping, being happy, and being naïve. The vibrant shield resting at the top of the table was a dissonant image, though. Recently polished, it demanded attention. And Steve had never wanted that, the attention. All he ever wanted was to do the right thing. Captain America happened along the way.

“The serum.” Thor said. “He wants to sacrifice the serum.”

“Is there a chance this could work?” Carol asked, and Thor hadn’t realized that she still was listening. But she was. And she seemed concerned, but hopeful.

“Yeah, I think so. It’s a _really_ solid loophole.” Tony was breathless.

Steve smiled.

“Then it’s settled.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~holding a skull, staring at it intensely~ am i thundershield trash?  
> also,  
> please, comment!! give me your approval or else i'll die!!  
> thanks!


End file.
